Oftentimes, the hardest times are when we feel we are facing our struggles alone, without the guidance or support we’d like to have. Whether it’s from family, friends, or a loved one, who doesn’t need an unconditional hug or thoughtful word of encouragement when the going gets tough? Sometimes our need of support can be badly timed for others to help out, or we are the ones who don’t know how to reach out and ask for help.

In the past few months I’ve been weathering a lot of challenges and issues and I’ve had to do so without a special few people I’ve come to count on. This can cause a shake up in the psyche as it tries to re-establish a sense of “all is well in my world without you in it right now”. For myself, I’m doing what I can to stay open and find support from new people and resources, but there are times when I do battle with not closing down. I understand how easy this is to do and I see it in others quite often. It can be tough to not let difficult times and difficult people get you down. It’s also hard to accept that things change, as do people, and that maybe it’s time for a change in you.

One of the ways I’m working on staying open with others, not to mention myself, has been to volunteer for an online support group. This one in particular is for people suffering with mental and emotional difficulties, as well as for their friends and fellow supporters. Actually, I ended up there entirely by accident by clicking on a link, where I was directed to a sign up for volunteers. They were asking people to be available for advice and counselling, via e-mail, on any number of issues that you felt comfortable enough to offer guidance about. After offering my services in several categories, I waited to see who and what would come my way.

The intriguing part of this work is how, because of the global aspect of the Internet, there are no borders to deal with, in fact anyone can knock on your Internet door and ask to enter. This reality still seems like a bit of 21st century magic to me.

It has happened that I’ve turned on my computer to find a message from someone halfway across the globe and they have found the courage to open up to me with the troubles in their world in a way that could never happen otherwise with a complete stranger. I think these people are very brave and that this is a positive side to the anonymity that the Internet offers. You can be honest and open without necessarily feeling vulnerable and exposed.

I’ve heard some terrible stories of abuse, rape, self-mutilation and utter despair, and I find that it’s always an opportunity to practice not judging, patience, compassion and caring for a fellow human being, qualities I think we all need to exercise regularly. It helps me to let go of my struggles temporarily and gain a greater perspective of human nature by trying to understand and support others in need. This I have learned the value of myself recently when I have opened myself up and spoken my truth, only to have it turned back on me with judgement and reproach. I can gladly accept constructive criticism, but I am always overwhelmed when judgement rears it’s pretty ugly head, because I’ve come to realize that the judgement is usually not about me but something the other person is working through and prefers to project onto someone else, rather than take it on themselves. In a position of expressed vulnerability, this can be devastating, because while you are trying to work on yourself, you are also all of the sudden burdened with someone else’s issues. It can be enough to make you want to go into a silent retreat, for like a decade!

This week I received one of several e-mails from a woman in South America and her words of gratitude and appreciation were so sincere and heartfelt, I think we both were surprised at how much it helped each of us to feel a little less alone in this big world of strangers. It’s true, sometimes you do get back what you give. So take that extra bit of time to truly engage, ask questions and listen. Then let judgement go… far away on a permanent vacation!