I had a special reminder recently about love that I thought I would share with you. As my readers will know, I came back from an incredible trip to London not too long ago, that felt like I packed six weeks of living into six days. I had a strong connection with the people I was with and as well felt very alive in my own skin in a way I hadn’t experienced for some time. And as it often is after a great trip, there’s a kind of energy hangover where the high energy comes crashing down as soon as the plane lands and the reentry into reality happens in a split second. It begs the question:  “Where am I?” And then the impending reply:  “Oh, I’m back!”

Living alone I have always had some degree of difficulty returning home after spending time with loved ones in other parts of the globe. It’s the bittersweet effect of living fully in the moment and then letting it go for whatever must come next. Sometimes I’m very good at it, but I’ve come to learn that the better the trip, the greater the recovery period; a price I agree to pay when I purchase my ticket. We do all have to come home sometime.

The night I arrived back I was not in great shape but eventually was able to put myself at ease enough to get into bed and have a reasonable night’s sleep. In the morning I awoke from an unexpected visitation in my dreams from my dearly departed feline friend Clara. Actually, in the dream I had started a new job and was doing my best to find my way about the place. At one point I turned around and there was Miss Clara reclining in fine form in a chosen area of the office. This seemed unusually normal considering the fact that I didn’t have a new job and that Clara passed away over a year and a half ago. I acknowledged her presence but in the dream it was just another day and I had work to do.

On I worked until at one point she came over and lay down near me, and then it was like being awake in my dream because I had that déjà vu feeling she was telling me to take care of her – she was going to die. Having had experience in this precise area, I was rather calm and made her comfortable, and while petting her made sure she knew how much I loved her. And then work just kept happening so I had to also look after that.

The next time I looked over at Clara I knew it was the moment to go and take her in my arms while she took her last breath. I was so much calmer that I had been during the real event – it felt like the most natural course of things and I knew there was nothing to fear.

What was Clara’s message I wondered? I shared this story with a close friend and realized that she was reminding me of the natural course of love. In the physical form, it comes and it goes. It lives and it dies. Often a part of us dies with it and never wants to experience that degree of pain again. But, ironically for most of us, we have to learn not to close the door to love to avoid any more pain – the way through the pain is to remember the love and keep it alive inside of ourselves. That’s the gift. The ability to stay in love with life is what keeps our hearts open and ready for more living.

You know, of course, that as soon as you even think such lofty thoughts that you will be immediately tested by the powers that be.  Once, if not twice or thrice, per week I am overlooked or forgotten by friends and loved ones, to the point that I am forced to take a lighter look at my fragile ego more often than I would chose.  Just yesterday I had an invitation for an evening out and after making (the effort, and) a call to clarify events, was never called back with a confirmation. This type of situation used to make me furious; instead now I catch up on some other activity. Even today, a friend said they would call me for lunch. But when another friend actually showed up and offered me a treat, do you think I waited around to hear from the first friend? I’ve learned – not to let someone else make me upset, close me down and ruin the moment. But I obviously still have more practicing to do.

I for one certainly have moments when I don’t think I can even feel my heart open, let alone feel passion about anything or anyone. But that’s just a normal pause of self-doubt in the ups and downs of everyday living. I try to remind myself to hold on to my faith and to trust in my fate and sooner or later, if and when there’s another knock at the door, it’s up to me whether or not I’m ready to be open again. I think Clara was trying to remind me that even though we may lose the people (or pets) that we love, or just be disappointed by them, there is no limit to our capacity to love again. There is always a new beginning if we can take the next step forward, when we’re ready, in our own time. And that it’s okay to move on and past our sorrow and our pain. The best thing is to anchor your heart in the moment and to keep on loving.