There are few cities as colourful as Montreal in the summer. We have a seemingly endless array of
festivals and parades, so much so that rarely does a week go by without either one or both going on. August begins with a
bang and the Gay Pride parade which offers over a week’s worth of festivities that take place in and around the gay
village. I try to meet up with friends to partake, but it also happens that I’m there alone dancing and waving my arms
in the crowd of thousands. I’m often asked, by straight people who’ve never attended, and by gay people who’ve
partaken one too many times, what exactly it is that I’m doing there.
But before I get there, allow me a small digression. Last week I read an editorial
suggesting how the trend of the moment is to tolerate gay people by going to gay parades and hugging nonheterosexuals. This
kind of attitude irks me no end, as though straight people have some special power and right to deem it tolerable to embrace
a minority, in this case gay people. This is precisely the problem – a false sense of righteousness. Which leads us
back to judgement and implies that someone thinks they know what is best for all. Tolerance is really not the issue –
acceptance is where it’s at.
I’ve spoken to different circles of acquaintances
about attending the gay pride events and most often those with little exposure to different lifestyles judge an alternative
lifestyle to theirs as wrong. It’s not a crime to be wrapped up in your own little world, but it’s not acceptable
to proclaim what you know to be “the way”. Maybe you just don’t know. Someone mentioned to me that they
were fed up seeing gay people with their rainbow flags, advertising their orientation, when straight people didn’t have
a flag of their own to wave. Maybe I’ve never gotten beaten up, thrown in jail or murdered because I loved a member
of the opposite sex, but you better believe I’d make some noise if the shoe was all of the sudden on the other foot
and I was running for my life. Gay life is not all Will and Grace. On a good day maybe, but then there’s the rest of
the year’s worth of ignorance and intolerance to deal with.
People are very intimidated by the fact that a person can
fall in love with their own sex. At the same time, every day in the news, men are killing each other and it’s just another
day’s news. But when men actually love each other, all of the sudden there’s a real war out there.
To answer the above question about whatever it is that I
do at these events, let me share a moment I had at one of the outdoor parties, which is actually just a big dance in the street
that numbers in the thousands. Because I live nearby to the village it’s easy for me to bike over and I enjoy hearing
the latest DJs and checking out the crowd. Simple outdoor summer pleasures. So over I went one night and bought myself a beer
and started dancing my way around. Before too long I was spotted by a straight man, who immediately decided we should be dancing
as close together as possible, somewhat of a heat seeking missile you might say. I smiled and put my arm out and told him
to take it easy and that I was doing just fine thanks. I wasn’t looking for that kind of fun (rather obvious in the
circumstances, one might presume) and eventually danced away and found myself another spot. Moments later another straight
man proceeded to weave his hips my way, so I went through the same procedure and again moved off in a new direction. And people
wonder what the attraction of gay clubs is for straight women. Finally I anchored myself between two groups of men who looked
like they could protect me in a pinch, when another man danced over. I could tell by his nearly naked body and leather attire
that he was most probably gay so I returned his friendly smile. He danced a little dance in front of me, balanced his beer
with great aplomb on top of his head, paid me a flattering compliment and was off. You’d never think you’d get
away so easily from a muscle bound leather man, but they can be quite the gentlemen. Thankfully. I should add that the heat
seeking missiles are in fact the exception rather than the rule, and that I have spent many hours enjoying the music and the
fresh air with nary a hip turned in my direction – and loving it!
Living in the city as I do, it’s a rare pleasure to
enjoy the outdoors and my love of dancing and good vibes simultaneously. I even took an old friend to the final outdoor event
that was a sea of 99% men, mostly shirtless, all dancing and laughing and having a good old time. Gay as he is, I think my
friend even wondered how I managed to fit in to the crowd so effortlessly. It’s easy when you’re just out to enjoy
and embrace the moment. In fact, we had several gay men come over and invite us to other parties later on. For me, it’s
all about being open to what’s there right in front of you. Not judging or condemning or wishing things were different.
And certainly not looking for Mr. Right! I practice opening my heart and letting it move me, and it usually takes me exactly
where I need to go, wherever that may be.
As my friend and I were leaving after our last dance, a
gay man from California came over and put his arm around me and absolutely insisted on sharing his appreciation of Montreal
– and me. It’s a rare circumstance when a stranger can come up and hug you in the middle of the street and make
you all the happier for it. So why not make it as colourful and inclusive a journey as possible?
