Life can sometimes lend itself to metaphors in such a way as to help us look at situations that need our attention where we lack either the awareness or ability to resolve the issues at hand. For example, I have been working on clearing up and redefining some relationships that are no longer serving my best interest in their present form, and I've realized that my difficulty in doing this has been an ongoing area of concern for me. I won't get into the specifics, but suffice to say that I usually fall into a pattern of paying more attention to others' needs than my own, and this to my detriment. Basically I never learned how to properly put my needs first and foremost above others – a survival technique most people learn early in life. And because of this, circumstances can easily slip out of control as I allow my needs to get buried, and end up suffocating both myself and the particular relationship in the long run. I have longed to be the confrontational warrior in this area of my life, and this past weekend I faced my fear of failure, and rejection perhaps, with the help of my ten foot cactus.

When I moved into the home I have now, almost ten years ago, this cactus measured about three feet tall. It prospered from the sunny view I’m fortunate to have and over time basically grew out of control. At one point it began to grow more on one side and became too unbalanced for the pot I had it in. Some good friends chipped in and bought the largest and heaviest pot they could transport and helped me to transplant the cactus so that it would have a sturdier base. Still it grew kind of lopsided until one day, as I tried to shift it to a more convenient location, it began to tilt over on top of me! It was about eight feet at this point, and if you’ve ever lived alone and wondered what could do you in in your own home, death by cactus would not have been one of my first replies. Luckily I had enough clothing on not to suffer death by acupuncture, and I was fortunately quick enough to swing the cactus back around so that it heaved itself back against the wall. Talk about a near tragic tango!

After that incident, I was very wary of my prickly friend and decided to anchor it in a corner with some rope so that at least my guests would not have to fear for their lives if my cactus suddenly took another lurch. It continued to grow, but due to the fact that it was no longer in front of the window, and somewhat cramped in, it became restricted in its natural growth and in its attempts to harness the sunlight it so badly needed. While I still viewed it as dangerous, suddenly, all tied up, it seemed to retract into the shadows. And in the corner it remained.

This past week I happened to notice that one arm of the cactus was starting to discolour and wilt – obviously not a good sign. I had been telling myself for several months that I really needed to do something to improve its plight, but I had no idea how to approach this unapproachable beast! Simultaneously, in my personal life, I was also at a make or break point with two people in very different situations. With each I had tried, but was unsuccessful in getting them to acknowledge the difficulties and limitations I was experiencing within each relationship. With a peak in my frustration and patience this past weekend, I woke up one morning and decided enough was enough. It was time for confrontation.

Out came my machete-like cactus carver and step ladder and I began trimming this out of control cactus back to its former glory. I must add that it was a prickly and rather painful process, but once I got started it was hard to stop me. Three hours and three garbage bags later, I was sweaty but satisfied; my cactus no longer had to rely on the wall for support- it was back on its own two feet.

I spoke to a couple of different friends on the phone during this process and also shared my anxieties about the relationships I mentioned. I was slicing and dicing as I spoke and suddenly felt a fearlessness while in the process of befriending this prickly foe. I might have been hurting both of us temporarily, but in the long run I knew the outcome would be one of growth for both us – if this could work for my cactus and myself, maybe this fearless act could be transposed onto my relationships in question.

After cleaning up the thousand thorns, I picked up the phone and put my sanity on the line. I was able to say my peace in a very simple and straightforward way – and knew that only time would tell if the results would be positive all around. But for me, just the fact that I felt assured enough to confront and give voice to my anxieties was proof positive enough that it was worth the effort.

So my word of advice from this would be: if you’re feeling stuck in a corner, suffocated or lacking conviction – look around. Maybe there’s another circumstance in your own environment that can offer you an alternative way to work through a block you may be dealing with and transform that fear into fearlessness.

So good luck fellow warriors, or as they say in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes:  TOWANDA!